Even in Death
by Jack E. Peace
Summary: Set after "Deja Vu All Over Again", Prue attends Andy's funeral. Here are her thoughts.


Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me, they never have and never will. The song "Even in Death" belongs to Evanescence and the lead singer, Amy Lee, because she wrote it; I used a few words from that song.   
  
A/N: Set after "Deja Vu All Over Again", about Prue's thoughts about Andy's death. I noticed, it seems like I write about Paige and Prue mainly, when Piper is really my favorite...hmmm, I wonder what's going on here....   
  
Another Note: I don't know when Andy was born, so I just made it up. Also, I don't remember if Morris's wife's name is really Jenna so....  
  
Even In Death   
  
Exhaustion over took her body as she dropped to her knees, resisting the attempts made my her sisters to keep her standing. The wet earth soaked through her tights, bleeding onto the him of her dress. But Prue Halliwell was beyond caring; her eyes were focused on the granite headstone before her, slowly becoming blurred by the tears that were filling her eyes. But she could still read the words etched into the stone: "Andrew Trudeau 1972-1999". Simple, yet baring so much meaning, so much hurt and pain. It was difficult for Prue to bare, difficult for her to read the words. Difficult for her to comprehend...comprehend the fact that the man she had loved and known since childhood was now six-feet below her, remembered only by a etched stone and by memories that would surely fade over time. The thought that her memories of Andy would fade appalled her, and for a second, Prue wanted to burst into a fresh round of tears, public tears for the first time since his death. Despite the amount of loss in her life she still saw crying as a sign of weakness and she hated to cry in front of anyone, especially her sisters; she hadn't cried at her mother's funeral all those years ago, saved the agony for countless midnight hours. She'd cried alone in the bathroom before leaving the house that afternoon, expressing her grief and loss before the bathroom mirror, unable to gaze at her sorrowful reflection as she wiped her face with toilet paper, reapplying her makeup before stepping back into the manor, stone-faced. She knew her sisters slightly resented her for her apparent stone-heart, though they surely knew of the hours she had cried herself to sleep after their mother's death, and of the times she had sobbed in the bathroom after Andy's death.   
  
But now, she found that she couldn't hold the tears in; now it was suddenly a reality, the man she loved was dead. There was no denying it now; she could tell herself over and over in the bathroom that he wasn't dead, that it was nothing more than a horrible nightmare. But now...now there was no way that she could say those words, not with the droning words of a preacher -who had never once met Andy- sounding in her ear, or the grief twisted faces of Andy's parents, or her sisters, dressed in black, their own faces streaked with tears. And she, down on her knees in the wet grass, staring at the new tombstone that would only fade over time.   
  
Prue thought back onto the time when she had first met Andy; it had been in sixth grade, shortly after their mother's death, and Andy had been the new kid in school. She had been assigned the task of helping him find his way around the building and at the end of the day, he had asked her to the movies; he was her first crush and her first love. She remembered all the hours they'd spent in the park, in their special spot, talking or kissing; she'd told him all her hopes and fears, things she'd never told her sisters or her grandmother. That was also the spot where he told her that he was going to an out of state college and he didn't believe a long-distance relationship would work. After he'd left, Prue had cried there as well, alone with only the silent birds, no one to judge her for her tears or broken heart.   
  
She'd spent years missing him and then, when Andy had suddenly shown up again, she'd been guarded, unsure of his sudden presence and what it would mean. Her whole life she'd taught herself to be cautious and never jump into anything and that was the attitude she had taken with Andy. That and the new found powers and life of being a Charmed One. Something she could never tell Andy about; it hurt to keep something from him and that had been the reason that they had broken up.   
  
Thinking about on their rocky relationship over the past year made Prue's tears come faster; the witch thought about all the times she had left him when all she wanted to do was stay. When she had lied to him when all she had wanted to do was tell him everything. How she had shut him out of her life when all she had wanted to was keep him forever. Prue thought about how she had finally told him she was a witch, her big secret and how he had died protecting her.   
  
He had still loved her, even after all the years apart and the not so gentle words that had passed between them; she knew she loved him as well, and before the day of her death a naive part of her had soared at the thought of them having a life together, with no secrets. She should have known that keeping him near her was putting him in the line of danger, of death, which was exactly what had happened.   
  
Part of her felt slightly guilty, even now, for all of the things that she had done and said over the past year; had he died without knowing how much she had really loved him? Did he think he had sacrificed himself for nothing, did he still think that he didn't mean much to her at all? Despite her tears, Prue shook her head, as though attempting to rid herself of such a thought. It wasn't possible, he knew how much she loved him and how much he meant to her, that was why he had come that day, why he had saved her.   
  
Guilt once again flooded through her veins; if he had never shown up that day than he wouldn't be dead, wouldn't be underneath pounds of dirt, missing the sunrise and sunset. It would be her instead; Prue knew it should be her, should be her that he was mourning instead of the other way around.   
  
Phoebe pulled her to her feet, wrapping an arm around her waist, looking over at her sister with a pained expression on her face. Prue wouldn't meet her gaze, her thoughts were not yet of or for her sisters, they were only for Andy, Andy who had deserved so much more.  
  
Maybe if he had never left San Francisco in the first place than maybe their lives would be different, even now; maybe she could have told him about being a witch sooner, maybe he would have been better prepared for what was to come. Maybe he would still be breathing. Perhaps they could have gotten married, had children, and he could have given her support in her sudden undertaking as a Charmed One, offered the sort of support that her sisters couldn't. Or maybe everything would have turned out the same and she would have been losing a husband instead of a childhood love.   
  
Once again, Prue's thoughts ticked to the past, remembering the day Andy had left, the words he had said. The selfish part in her had begged him not to leave her, to go to a school here, to stay always with her. She could tell that it killed Andy to leave just as much as it killed her, perhaps more; he had given her a ring before he left and, during their last embrace, he had whispered words to her that she had always remembered. Words that were supposed to offer comfort but only made her heart heavier and her hurt more. "I'll stay forever here with you, my love; even though I'll be miles away our love will go on." But the promises to call, to write and the promise those words had held soon faded away, though the words them self had not.   
  
And she remembered them now, heart hurting all over again, feeling the pain of the thought of never seeing him again; years before, however, had been a different hurt, a hurt with a lining of hope. The possibility of seeing him again, eased some of the hurt but now there was nothing, there was no hope. There was no chance, Andy was dead and no amount of wishing or crying would ever change that fact.   
  
The preacher finished his eulogy, shutting his Bible and stepping away from the site, leaving the mourners alone with their grief. Prue wiped the tears off her cheeks, praying that no more would come. She felt Piper slip her arm around her shoulders, kissing her sister on the cheek; Piper and Phoebe had shed tears as well, having known Andy for as long as she had. Though the younger sisters knew their loss was nothing compared to Prue's and their hearts were heavy, more for their sister's sake than for Andy's. "Come on Prue, let's go home." Piper whispered, gaze ticking over to Andy's parents, who had gathered around the tombstone, obscuring it from view. Andy's parent, Darrell Morris, was there as well with his wife Jenna; he had been close friends with Andy and it was clear that he was trying to keep his own tears from falling.   
  
Prue allowed herself to be lead back to where the car was parked, let herself climb into the back seat and buckle her seatbelt. Piper climbed behind the wheel, starting the car and turning off the radio that Phoebe had put on during the ride to the graveyard, despite Piper's rebuttal.   
  
She let her gaze tick over to where Andy lay buried, where his parents still stood; she could see the headstone again, and felt as though she was in a surreal scene again, driving away from the funeral of her beloved. As the site began to disappear in the distance, Prue closed her eyes and mumbled, "I will stay forever here with you, my love; even in death our love will go on." 


End file.
